Is “Thank You” Enough?
Comparing the Effects of Expressing Gratitude and Returning Benefits on Interpersonal Relationships
By Sean Reilly and Mohammad Aldabbagh
From simply thanking a barista for a coffee to the profound gratitude resulting from receiving a life-saving organ, the spectrum of gratitude we experience spans from the mundane to the extraordinary. Beyond feeling gratitude, our expression of it holds the power to nurture and strengthen our relationships. Psychologists interested in studying gratitude have long appreciated its potential to cultivate and sustain relationships over time;, however, less is known about the appropriate ways to express gratitude after receiving a favor. Is a simple “Thank you” enough?
Gratitude usually involves two parties: the benefactor, who provides benefits, and the beneficiary, who receives them. This can occur in various contexts, from interactions between individuals to relationships between nations. Researchers theorize that when benefactors provide benefits—material or otherwise—beneficiaries increase their valuation of the benefactors. This is what causes feelings of gratitude. Furthermore, when beneficiaries’ express gratitude, they communicate three things: receipt of the benefit, an increased valuation of their benefactor, and an intention to reciprocate in the future. Research supports these claims, showing that when beneficiaries express gratitude, their benefactors are more cooperative and generous and report greater intentions to socially affiliate with them.
Given the prosocial impact of expressing gratitude, researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder explored whether these effects extend to interactions with international students seeking new relationships in their host communities. These studies involved participants (research subjects) communicating with an “international student” (one of the researchers) via email. Participants first provided a recommendation for a local coffee shop or restaurant. Researchers, posing as the international student, responded to participants’ recommendations with either expressions of gratitude, a reciprocal benefit, both, or neither. Below, we describe the particulars of each study. The first study aimed to determine whether gratitude expressions for a recommendation increase participants’ favorable perceptions and intentions to affiliate with international students. The findings show that they do. Participants received an email from an “international student” that either included a gratitude expression for their recommendation (gratitude condition) or not (control condition). In the gratitude condition, the international student stated “I wanted to thank you for your recommendation. As a new student it means a lot to me. I am grateful you have made me feel so welcome. Your simple recommendation has gone a long way.” This statement was the only difference between the gratitude and control conditions.
Results showed that participants liked, accepted, felt closer to, intended to invite, and befriend international students more when they expressed gratitude. Intuitive, right? Researchers concluded that such expressions of gratitude led participants to perceive international students as more grateful, which then led them to like, accept, feel closer to, intend to invite, and befriend them more. This increased perception of gratitude likely inspired compassion among study participants, prompting them to respond more favorably to international students.
The second study aimed to determine whether gratitude expression and/or returning a benefit for a recommendation differentially impact participants’ favorable perceptions and intentions to affiliate with international students. Researchers used the same design as before; however, there were four types of email responses in this study: (1) gratitude expression; (2) returned benefits (the study used $5 Amazon gift cards as the returned benefit); (3) both a gratitude expression and returned benefit; or (4) neither (a control condition).
Results showed, once again, that participants liked, accepted, felt closer to, intended to invite, and befriend international students more when the student’s expressed gratitude. One might expect that returning a benefit on top of a gratitude statement would “boost” participants’ perception of the international student. It did not. There were no differences between receiving a gratitude expression and a returned benefit and receiving a gratitude statement by itself.
Participants who received the gratitude and the returned benefit did not like, accept, feel closer to, intend to invite, or befriend international students more than participants who received the gratitude statement alone. Based on these findings, researchers concluded that gratitude statements do communicate a beneficiary’s intention to return benefits in the future. Gratitude statements, then, may take the place of immediate reciprocity—there is no need to return benefits right away, so long as you express your gratitude.
In conclusion, these studies shed light on the impact of expressing gratitude when navigating the complexities of establishing new relationships. From the smallest expressions of gratitude to grand gestures, these acts hold the power to strengthen bonds between benefactors and beneficiaries. They do so by communicating a sense of interpersonal value and mutual compassion for one another. As you go out into the world, remember the power of a simple “Thank you” and the potential it holds to foster and nurture relationships—and to encourage compassion. Besides, it’s more cost effective than giving your friends Amazon gift cards.